Pardon me for my absence, dear outsiders. The Man of a Thousand Eyes called me away upon important business. But I have returned from my pilgrimage with many things to share.
Greetings, Trogg. It is a pleasure to meet you. I must say, I’m not familiar with Yoyo.
Ah. A skeptic. No one is forcing you to seek my services; I only offer a glimpse of one potential future.
Oh, please, there’s no reason to be upset. I think you’d look rather dashing in some cultist robes.
Eugh, cultist robes. That sounds awful. Not interested.
I think it’s just what you need, my friend. If there’s one thing that can be said about your lifestyle, it’s that it lacks direction.
Besides, your current wardrobe is hardly better than what I have in mind.
I stumbled upon a caravan of outsiders today. Praise to the man of a thousand eyes for blessing with me with such fortune; I had caps to spend, and the barterers had food for my aching stomach and water for my parched throat.
With the caps left over, I also made some more… Unusual purchases. The rifle is foreign in my hands, but in time, it will become as close to me as my blades. Necessity calls for it; the Bull has been getting far too close for comfort. For that reason alone, I took the trader’s suggestion for some new armor.
It is hefty and baggy… But reassuring, nonetheless.
The helmet is reassuring too. The padding is soft and warm, like a mother’s embrace. It has also proven to ward off the headaches.
The only purchase I regret is the suit. The cloth is itchy and firm. And the shoes are out to betray me.
“No more… Please! Please, no more! Leave me be!”
I certainly have, outsider. The results were… Less than pleasant, shall we say. Like a mirror turned upon a mirror, the feedback was continuous. Ultimately, it was too much; I overstepped my boundaries, and the man of a thousand eyes saw fit to punish me for my transgressions.
Oh, yes, /that’s/ how it ended. In that case, consider yourself fortunate, outsider! And in the event that your fate takes a different path, remember the words of a wise man: NO REFUNDS.
Wait wait wait, you spewed all that shit I already knew at me (which I’m still tryna figure out how you knew…) and then you make up some mumbo-jumbo bullshit only to come back and tell me that might not even be what happens?
Shit, that’s like me payin’ you 10 caps to tell me it’s gonna rain tomorrow, and then you come back the next day and go, ‘Oh hurr hurr hurr, it’s actually gonna be fuckin’ sunny’.
My, my, what an overreaction. The future is always in motion, and there is no fate but what we make for ourselves. I only informed you of one possible future, one that you might just be fortunate enough to avoid. Consider that a blessing, my dear outsider; for better or worse, no one’s chosen to light you on fire.
Of course, if you’re sorely upset about not being ignited, I can happily change that for you!